16 Apr

When you are moved to any form of grief....anger or fear, you are in that moment believing that you have become separated from your core essential nature, that of a love beyond measure...that you may call God. The belief is mistaken of course, that we have become separated.... but that's the illusion. We all have many moments when 'our buttons get pushed' that have developed over the years. Out of our suffering and travail we believe that God is not present, that love has forsaken us and it didn't, it simply cannot. It is the One..Infinite in nature that is always present through eternity.

When I lived with the diagnosis of cancer years ago, that I was told would lead to my death, when I thought that moment was right around the corner a phenomenal thing happened. All the daily bumps and bruises of life that normally would have drawn a reaction of anger or fear dissolved. I couldn't think of anything really that gave rise to anger or fear. Mostly I spent my days in-love. There is nothing like a terminal diagnosis apparently to organize ones priorities toward the only thing that is, in reality important and that is to love and be loved, to know the measure of that in all its beauty. What I had thought was important to get upset about, even dying, to separate me from my essential core nature of love became like dust in the wind, blown away by love. Those times, drew forth a question and that was, in any given moment with what is happening, in and around me... "is this really important to separate me from love, to become angry, fearful and sad about?" Well, now that I have been in remission for many years, I do get angry, frightened and times over the most mundane things...but I remember love, the love that heals all wounds in my life so much more readily. 

In the end I see that there is nothing that is important enough to distance from love around,(there never ever was.) I mean at the moment of my death, whenever that moment comes....all that I have ever been angry, frightened, or sad about dissolves in that moment, because, simply, in reality it cannot follow me there, back into nature, back into love... of which I am a fundamental part and always have been. So in life, out of my humanity I apparently can think and respond to some moments with anger, fear, sadness....In death, it seems not at all.. 

Lets look at it this way... life is a life-threatening disease, its all so very precious, we are all so very precious....ask yourself, if you time you become angry...which is your fear...which is your sorrow..."Is this really important to get upset about, if you were going to die in the morning, is this really important to hurt those who I most love, to hurt anyone including myself? Ultimately my belief never is...In the end, when I do give rise to any anger, fear, my grief in mistakenly thinking love, God has forsaken me I remember that love, in all its power, can heal all wounds and it does if I might just surrender to it.

A Prayer.

In remembering the infinite possibilities that are born of knowing that all love surrounds you, lives within you and that all life including yours is so very, very precious, there is not a moment to lose. So love now all that you can, surrender to its power to the heart of it, and know that in the beginning, as in the end it is “all that is or ever was or ever will be.  

Nigel Lott.