BOUNDARIES
There comes a moment when love must learn to stand. Not harder. Not colder. But clearer. For love does not mean being a dumping ground. Presence does not mean self-erasure. And compassion does not mean silence in the face of harm.
Love does not mean being a dumping ground.
If it does, love quietly turns into endurance. And endurance, over time, becomes depletion. What is dumped is not transformed—it simply accumulates in the body. Love receives, yes—but it also filters. Without a boundary, receptivity becomes erosion.
Presence does not mean self-erasure.
Presence includes you. When you disappear in order to “be open,” something essential is lost. True presence is not the absence of self—it is the self standing here, undefended but intact. When presence requires you to shrink, it is no longer presence; it is accommodation.
Compassion does not mean silence in the face of harm.
Silence may feel kind in the moment, but repeated silence teaches the other person that harm has no cost. Compassion speaks—not to punish, not to correct—but to interrupt what cannot be carried. Sometimes the most compassionate act is a clear “this cannot continue.”
Nigel Lott teaandzen.org
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