Coping With Acceptance

Kindled by Valante

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There are times when life asks us to take in something we can scarcely believe has happened. We know the facts, and still something in us says, How can this be?

And there is a question underneath that one. How do we keep our hearts open in hell? How do we stay in contact with what we love when so much of our strength is going into getting through the day?

This is a meditation on finding our way toward acceptance, a little at a time. You can begin wherever you are. Perhaps the truest words you have are, I wish with all my heart that this were different.

Let yourself hear those words.

If you can, find somewhere to sit where your back is supported. Feel the chair, or the wall behind you. Let your eyes rest on something ordinary in the room. A cup. A lamp. The corner of a window.

Let your breath come and go as it does. You might feel your feet on the floor or the weight of your hands resting in your lap. Give yourself a little while here.

When you feel ready, see if you can name one simple fact about what has happened. Say it silently, in a few words. Give yourself time to hear it.

If the words are too much, come back to the chair beneath you or the wall at your back. You can spend the rest of this meditation there. Sometimes the first thing we can accept is how hard it is to accept what has happened.

If there are words for this moment, they might be very simple.

This has happened.
I wish with all my heart that it hadn’t.
This is as much as I can take in right now.

Give each sentence a little room. You may feel grief or anger. You may feel very little. If you find that you’ve gone quiet inside, see if you can give that quiet the same kindness you would give someone who had just heard terrible news. You might sit beside them for quite a while before either of you spoke.

Now, if it feels right, ask yourself gently, What hurts so much here?

Perhaps you miss someone. Perhaps you miss the life you thought you were going to have, or the ordinary ease of waking in the morning before you knew what you know now. Give yourself a moment to feel how much that mattered to you.

There may be love in the simple words I miss you. There may be love in I wanted so much for this to turn out differently. If those are the words that come, let them be enough for now.

An open heart can be a very small thing on a day like this. It may be letting someone bring you a meal. It may be telling a friend, I’m having a hard time. Could you sit with me for a while? I may be quiet. You may only be able to let that kindness in for a moment. Feel what it’s like, for that moment, to have someone there.

And if you need to close the door and rest, there can be tenderness in that too. You can give yourself some shelter. You can decide who comes close and when.

When you have a little more room, you might ask, Given what has happened, what needs my care today?

There may be something you can do about the situation itself. There may be a meal to eat, a decision you can give yourself more time to make, or someone you can ask to help with the ordinary things that still need doing. Choose something small enough to do with the strength you have today.

You may take in what has happened for a moment and, an hour later, hear yourself say again, How can this be? If that happens, you can begin again. Feel what’s supporting you. Look around the room. Ask what would help now.

Before you get up, take a moment to feel the wall or the chair at your back. You can stay here a little longer. If there’s someone you want beside you, let reaching for them be the next thing you do.

Nigel Lott teaandzen.org / meditationsansfrontieres.com

Meditation Sans Frontieres 501 (C) 3 Registered Charity Tax EIN 81-3411835

May the work offered here serve peace, serve healing, serve remembrance, and serve the quiet dignity of being alive. May this sanctuary belong not to one person alone, but to the field of life itself.

And may all who encounter it feel, even for a moment, that nothing is missing and they are not alone.